Egads! It’s flying in my kitchen

I kid you not. This evening, I reached home after a tormenting drive from Andheri to Chembur (those in Mumbai will appreciate the effort it takes at about 6 pm!).

To start with, things were normal… I came home, freshened up, changed and sat down in front of the TV… my ‘seat’ till dinner. Soon enough, though, I was startled to hear something that sounded like vessels clanging together and tumbling down from a height.

Initially, I thought the noise had come from the neighbouring house where the interiors are being done and did nothing about it… who wants to leave a nice cosy spot, eh? Soon again, the noise was heard again and this time, it was even greater and it sounded as if it were closer to me… time to check the clues, Watson!

A leisurely walk into the bedroom revealed nothing and on reaching the kitchen, I decided to reach for a bottle of water and lo, there it sat over the gas stove! A pigeon. In my kitchen. Chilling out! Once the initial shock died and I regained my balance (physical and mental), it was time to figure out how to get that feathered fiend out of the house.

Let me assure you that I am no animal hater and in fact, the window ledge in my bedroom has been converted into a maternity home by all pigeons. I think word seems to have gotten about in their circles and there are more arriving by the day to meet the newborn(s). So much so, that a new would-be mother is also getting comfortable with her eggs as you read this.

So now that it has been established that I am not an bird hater, the problem of shooing the pigeon away was back at hand. For some strange reason, at this point, I started wondering about my choice of words to the pigeon and assuming (it’s a safe assumption, you see) it knows none of the languages I do, it hardly mattered whether I muttered “shoo” or “avast” or any other words of ‘choice’! Thankfully, I was alone at home and decided to test my knowledge of expletives!

It’s one thing that the bird did not understand what I said (maybe because it cannot hear… I noticed no ears, you see) but it’s entirely another when it decides to protest my actions. And how! I managed to get its attention (how is mystery) and the darn thing decided to go for its version of a stampede right there within the kitchen. In fact, I realised that it was scared when it decided to get rid of its lunch on the kitchen counter and then fly over to the light and perch itself atop. This put the problem in an entirely new light…

Moments later, a thought struck me like light(n)ing! I decided to switch the light on and off to scare it away. Hmph. A lot of good that did… only more defecation. Geez.

Soon enough, though, it relocated to its original camping place, the window. Now all this while, it kept on looking through the glass and wondering (I imagine) how to get out of there. Little did it realise that there was the open part of the window right under it. Over the course of the next 20 minutes or so, it explored all the corners of the kitchen including the sink. At one point, it was so scared that it confined itself to a corner in the sink and refused to move… poor thing actually, but my problem was yet unsolved. It would be fair to remember here that I was the victim.

After a round of the kitchen and a fair bit of fluttering (including that of my heart considering the glass objects present), it perched itself on the window again momentarily returning to further defecate on the kitchen counter. Dinner tonight will be hard to ingest.

During its many attempts to find the open part of the window, it had banged against the glass on many occasions… it did so one more time and this time decided to sit on the counter to survey the terrain as it were.

By this time, I had a kitchen cloth to aid my efforts and repeated flashing of this weapon produced more fluttering and showed no signs of a solution being found. With much courage (hey, it has a beak and can fly with a lot of fluttering that is scary) I got as close to it as I could and waved the cloth one final time.

Finally, it flew straight into the open window and found its way out. I’m sure it’s having quite a chat with its friends about its adventure. In fact, it could well be blogging about it in its own world… perhaps a search on Poogle would reveal something!

For now, though, the kitchen window (and all others in empty rooms) remain closed. And so they shall when we leave home tomorrow.

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