Why-dunnit?

We all make mistakes. I also believe that we all are allowed our share of mistakes during our lifetime. We should, hence, err wisely, if I may say so. Therefore, watching 36, China Town would be a mistake 'wasted'. The directors have wasted one themselves!

Before I went for the movie itself, I was sceptical. And I said so. How good can a movie starring Shahid Kapur and Kareena Kapoor be? Obviously, not good at all. The plot is as inane and the acting, as 'hammy' as it can get. Set in Goa (yeah, right), the sets look straight out of the 1980s (remember Rakhwala?) and are tacky at best. Unfortunately, the same has to be said of the acting, direction and the cast.

So Shahid and Kareena want to spend more time together. This is real life we are talking about, by the way! So bam! They Abbas-Mustan to sign them up for this sorry excuse of a movie and spend a cool couple of months together. And get paid for it. Cost me Rs 200 for their vacation!

The story is simple. Isha Koppikar (Sonia Chang; Chang in Goa? Whatever) is the owner of a Casino and has a son who has been kidnapped/missing (this fact is not established as far as I was awake) for a while. She puts newspaper ads with his photo offering a reward of Rs 25 lakh. Shahid Kapur is an actor struggling in Mumbai. That he has a good Rs 10 lakh for a showreel (song happens here, btw) is a mystery deeper than the one the movie actually tackles. Kareena is a girl who has left home to be with her boyfriend in Mumbai and when she says "Let's get married", he coolly tells her to come back with Rs 50-60 lakh so he can start a business and if that is successful, they can marry. Why me?

These two are in a public place and Sonia Chang's son is generally wandering about (clean as any baby you may have ever seen despite crawling about and all) and these two chance upon him and become partners in his return and the prize money. Some nonsensical jokes, introduction of Paresh Rawal (warning: he is seen in only his undies for almost 5 mins in the movie and its not pretty), Johny Lever (ok performance), a half-naked Payal Rohatgi, Tanaz Currim (can't remember her new surname) and Upen Patel (Rocky the playboy. Whooppee!) later, it is time for samosas. Interval, you see.

Upen Patel is so rock solid that there are no expressions on his face. Almost. He does manage to move an eyebrow once in the second half (refer photo).

The point I make is that despite half the movie being over, the story has not moved. So finally, finally… there is a murder. Sonia Chang is killed and burgled. And of course, everyone is a suspect. And then there are twists, turns, alibis, romances and Akshaye Khanna. Why does he do these movies to himself?

The solution is as inane as you could ever imagine. I may as well give it away.

**SPOILER WARNING**

The butlers Mr and Mrs Lobo (I think they were Mr and Mrs) have done it. At this point, the movie seems to go into another realm altogether. Because I have left the theatre. Don't do this to yourself. Go catch Ice Age II again.

And did I mention the music is by Himesh Reshammiya? It's ok. But pretty similar to all his other songs. So if you have heard them once, it's ok. You've heard them all.

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